Sheesh. Grief. It’s unpredictable, isn’t it?

Sometimes it wafts in on a gentle breeze and other times it hits us like a thunderstorm. 

Thirty-nine years ago, our daughter Ashley Nicole was born on May 1st and passed on the 10th. This year it’s been a bit extra emotional. I think it’s the timing of Mother’s Day and missing my mom too. 

I know, you know.

Grief is utterly uninvited and unwanted.  It wars against every fiber in us because we’re wired to love and nurture life, not to say goodbye.

This sadness is slamming me today. Maybe you feel it too. 

Whether it’s the loss of a job, a dream, or a relationship ~ grief is our common and unavoidable human experience. But while it’s absolutely universal, it’s intensely personal. And it’s often a lonely place.

So we’re careful not to stuff it or run from it. We breathe deep and  sit with the pain.

We let our tears release what our minds can barely accept and what our bodies should not hold on to.

With grit and grace ~ courage and gentleness ~ we make a raw choice to keep our emotions moving up, out, and forward. Because we want to thrive in this abundant life we’re given. We don’t want to give pain the last word or let it rob us of joy and peace.

So we get to turn grief around for our good and for the good of others. 

On Ashley’s birthday, I went to Jewel-Osco and asked to pay for a pre-ordered birthday cake. The manager showed me one with “Happy Birthday, Oma” written in pink frosting. So I blessed Oma, her family, and the bakery manager. In turn, it gives me happy tears and honors our baby girl’s memory.

This is Ashley’s legacy: To redeem pain for good, to trade ashes for beauty, and sadness for joy. 

Maybe this message is a bit too soon for you. If so, please know you are not alone.

And if it seems you can’t move forward with your grief, maybe it’s time to talk to a counselor. I’ve spoken to many through the years.

Wherever you are today, I pray you experience God’s comforting presence and redemptive power.

 

“To all who mourn in Israel,
    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
    festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” ~ Isaiah 61:3

 

☮️❤️  May you find Peace and Happy Tears.

  

 

Photo from Pixabay.com

 

 

 

As the glitter settles and I remove a Lego from my shoe, I smile and remember our grandbabies’ visit. I expect the aftermath of our three little tornadoes. But this time, they each left me with a glimpse of God.

You may remember Madison, the one who dances with rose petals. While digging into art supplies, she found stickers from St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital and was inspired to write letters to children she’s never met. In her sparkly, nine-year-old style, she assured them of their value, God’s love and – quite concerned with their fun – she created a sticker match game. No ordinary letter for Madison Grace.

Then there’s Braden Lucas. Our small, but brave kindergartener. When offered a fresh baked apple fritter, he looked up with those big brown-green eyes, “Make sure you save one for Aunt Hannah.” He got me. I wasn’t even thinking of my twenty-year-old daughter. I was too busy dodging Nerf arrows and wiping up muddy footprints.

And that brings us to Ashley Marie.

Grabbing a few quiet moments while our little peeps played outside, my husband and I tapped away on our computers.

As is common with three, the youngest gets ditched. In this case, it was our strawberry blonde, blue-eyed, four-year-old who was told, “You count, we’ll hide.” And hide they did.

Ashley’s the calm one. She speaks bluntly. But only when there’s something important to say.

Like when she came in and stood next to Poppa with teary eyes and the biggest, cutest frown ever. “My fwends won’t pway wiff me.” Poppa brushed the hair from her eyes and held out his arms. “Would you like a jelly bean?” Ashley nodded, smeared snot across her cheek with the back of her hand, and climbed onto his lap.

Her eyes brightened as Poppa poured the treats into his hand. She picked two. Not just any two. A green one for her brother and a purple one for her cousin. Then choosing a pink one for herself, she thanked Poppa and ran off to bless her betrayers … I mean … her “fwends.”

In that moment, I see a snapshot of God and our relationship with Him. Ashley trusted Poppa. She ran to Him, knowing He’d help her.

We can run to God with the same confidence. We cry, smear some snot, and are comforted in his wide-open arms. Then we’re empowered to go and share that love with others.

So, even as I find jelly beans in the bathroom and Easter grass twisted up in my vacuum, I thank God for my grandbabies. They are sweet reminders that He’s here and He wants a relationship with us. May we draw close to Jesus, and share His gifts with others.

Even when they’re stinkers.

☮💗

Update: We have 6 grandbabies now. In the years since I wrote this in 2015, we’ve added Rowan, Luna Sophia, and Alexander. Kids have a way of reminding us what’s good and right in the world, don’t they? May we learn from them always…to be kind, unselfish, and empathetic 💖

Photo Jill Wellington

 

My relationship with my dad was complicated. I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m such a sap for good daddy stories.

And I’m a tad obsessed with Billy Graham. His humility and simplicity. His love for Jesus and people. Though he’s with his Savior now, Graham’s  messages are evergreen and never stray from the path to real, abundant life: Jesus. Always Jesus.

Yes, I’m smitten. Now, even more as I hear his childrens’ stories.

Billy’s daughter, Ruth, tells about a time in her life after a messy divorce. She dated a man her children didn’t like and her parent’s cautioned her to slow down. Describing herself as “stubborn, willful, and sinful,” she ignored their advice and married him. She realized her mistake right away. She left three weeks later because she was afraid of him.

On her two-day drive to her parents’ home, she wondered how to tell her father. Can you imagine how shame probably harassed her?

What a failure. You’re an embarrassment. Tsk-tsk-tsk … what a disappointment.

Rounding the corner to her parents’ driveway, Ruth saw her famous father waiting on the porch. A bit reluctant, she paused then stepped out of the car. Her daddy met her there and wrapped his arms tight around her.

“Welcome home.”

No lecture. No shame, blame, or condemnation.

In Luke 15, Jesus tells us in a parable that God runs to us with wide-open arms, with compassion and celebration plans, especially when we return from being “stubborn, willful, and sinful.”

Yep, I’ve been there.

Nothing can separate us from this relentless love. Some even call it reckless. Because it seems risky to lavish love like that on us fickle, prideful people. But the Father’s Love shows us we’re treasured and valued beyond human measure.

We are worth pursuing. Every single time. No matter what.

When’s the last time you really thought about this unconditional love that doesn’t give up on you? It shows up always and it won’t run away ~ it runs to you, remember?

Like a good father, God corrects us but He doesn’t condemn us or push us away. The character defects of our earthly father do not exist in our Heavenly Father. 

So, let’s focus on that. Understanding God’s love. It’s a bit like going to a waterfall to fill a teacup. There’s just so much. We’ll spend a lifetime learning it and experiencing it so let’s just dive in.

Tell God you want to experience this love that has no limits. Read the Gospels, beginning with the book of John and get to know Jesus. How He loves people is how the Father does too.  Ask God to reveal it to you ~ then let love trickle from your head to your heart.

God is patient. And He is so pleased when we return to Him.

No lecture. No shame, blame, or condemnation. He is our good Father.

I know Billy Graham wasn’t a perfect human or a perfect father. But that day in the driveway, he met his child right where she was. He welcomed her, mess and all.

And Ruth Graham saw what her daddy spent his life telling the world: “My father was not God, but he showed me what God was like … When we come to God with our sin, our brokenness, our failure, our pain, and our hurt, God says, ‘Welcome home.'”

My friend, our Father not only waits for our return, He runs to us and meets us right in the middle of our messes and distresses.  Let’s soak in this forgiveness and unconditional love💗

 “May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand … how wide, how long, how high, how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” ~ Ephesians 3:18-19

 

 

🍂 Crunchy Leaves and Pumpkins and Fall. Oh my.

 

For more, here’s some music & a couple more of my blog posts:

Listen to “It is Well” & Rest Your Soul

Protect Your Rhythm of Rest

Find Your Rhythm of Rest

 

 

Photo from www.Pixabay.com