It’s gone. A whole era. That shaped my thinking, my living, my being … for over five decades. My brain slowly wraps around this strange new order.
With both parents gone, it’s just weird. And no, I’m not an orphan as some suggest. I reject that to my core. I’m not a child without parents. I’m an adult who was raised by her parents. They just aren’t here anymore.
And that’s what sneaks up on me ~The weirdness of it.
I guess like any paradigm shift, especially one that begins with loss, it takes time to process.
I try to analyze it, but this change remains a blank space in my brain. And that’s okay. Because right now my mind has no familiar hooks of experience to hang it on. This is a brand new perspective on life and love and loss and learning.
I mean, I know a ton about grief. Especially in the month of May, it bubbles up fresh. But this loss, this shift of an era, cracks open a brand new place where anxiety trickles out.
Fear of death? Maybe.
But, wait … there’s something else right alongside it …
Light overpowers fear and illuminates this fleeting life. It shines on the lives that are right here … right now.
It reminds me of the day when I’ll be gone too. A whole era. That shaped my children and grandchildren ~ their thinking, and living, and being … for over five decades.
This higher awareness grows my empathy, humility, and urgency. And it empowers me to stand firm in my disdain for trivial stuff that creates gossip and whining, blaming and complaining.
“Ain’t nobody got time for that.” *
Aren’t you glad God carries us as our hearts wrap around this strange new order? He’s creating in us new resilience and fresh ways to pass it on.
Because our kids and their kids will continue to wrestle their own life-shaping and mind-shifting grief.
So, what legacy do we want to leave? What attitude about life and love and grief do we want them to see? What re-telling of our era do we want them to hear?
That we stayed stuck and overwhelmed in its difficulties? Or that we were in it to win it and died with a smile?
I want my story to empower my people. So they won’t be defined or defeated by pain. I want death to illuminate the potential of their brief and beautiful lives, so they’ll live better, fuller, wiser, and free.
I plan to leave them a story that ends with a smile. With memories and life-giving words that come to mind at just the right time.
By God’s grace, I’ll be their anchor, their model, their fighter, their safe and happy place … their little bit of Jesus. Right here, right now. May I teach them to live well and suffer well.
“Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life. While most people whittle their days chasing another buck, or a little bit more fame and attention or a little bit more assurance that they’re right or loved, death confronts all of us with a far more painful and important question: What is your legacy?” ~ Mark Manson, blogger & author
*Quote: Sweet Brown 🙂
To read about Hope in the midst of grief, go to:
https://genekiepura.wordpress.com/2020/12/22/the-worst-christmas/#more-3581
💕💕💕💕💕
Love you, Joan ❤
Great post!
“So, what legacy do I want to leave? What attitude about life and love and grief do I want them to see? What re-telling of my era do I want them to hear?”
Great questions…I kick myself for not sitting down with my parents and have them tell me the stories of their childhood…their life…their loss…their faith journey. There is so much about them I don’t know.
In part, that is why I wrote a book about my grief journey and why I write blog stories about my life. I want my children and grandchildren to know me deeper. I want them to know my struggles, my weaknesses, my joys. To discover where and how I found my resolve.
I will not always be around, but my hope is that within my written words my children will truly discover the real me.
Hello Gene. That is wonderful and inspiring. You said it so well.
While I know many of my parents’ childhood stories, I’ve had to fill in the blanks when it comes to their inner life. Their hurts were quite evident in how they approached life and parenting. Mostly because of society’s norms and how they were raised. A great generation with a lot of stuffed grief. Well, stuffed emotions in general, especially “weak” ones.
So, in my journey to live authentically in my divine design, I want my children and grandbabies to know me deeper too. I’m learning not to hide all my struggle from them. I hope to show them how to live well, love well, and suffer well 🙂