No is a Complete Sentence

They came, they conquered, they left me beyond exhausted. It was our grandbabies second week-long visit since Alex was born into our home. Now, I’m rethinking my limits. There’s a reason God doesn’t usually give women my age full-time care of young children. At this stage in my life, I’m just not wired for it.

Needing new limits became clear as I drove home from a forest preserve with ten-year-old Madison riding shotgun. “Meema, I prayed for you. I prayed you won’t be stressed out.” Yikes.

Kids have a way of calling us out, don’t they?

Madison hasn’t always seen my best, but that visit was extra difficult and they all saw it. There were great moments like our backyard camp out with S’mores and hot dogs, Ashley at the bathroom door waiting to share a blueberry, Braden drawing a picture of Alex and, of course, Madison praying.

They may remember the fun more than my impatience but my stress level was unusual and my coping skills were weak. So, at least for now, something’s gotta change.

New life seasons require setting new boundaries. Without them, we become overwhelmed. I stepped away from my church responsibilities because my mind couldn’t handle one more thing to remember and plan. Sometimes too much of a good thing is simply too much. I wanted more time and brain space to pursue my passion for writing.

Years ago, I chatted with a mid-sixty-year-old man as we waited outside a J.C. Penney dressing room. His wife was inside with a wailing four-year-old and a toddler crawling in and out under the door. Giving up on corralling the kids, he sighed and slumped into a chair. Poor grandpa was exhausted and grandma just wanted a new bra.

They babysat those darlings six days a week. I was tired just talking to him. At least twenty years younger, I already limited my babysitting to twice a week and still do.

I sensed grandpa was motivated by guilt as if our kids are entitled to our time. As though we owe it to them. I know there are seasons when we dig deep, put some things aside, and help raise our grandchildren. Been there, done that. And, I’m doing it again. But if we feel locked-in, obligated day after day, always putting them first, we may become burned out and resentful.

Did we work all those years, raising our children to keep putting our well-being and interests aside? Are we still adjusting our lives to accommodate everyone else?

Putting ourselves first seems opposite to what scripture teaches. But, we also see Jesus stepping away. Crowds followed Him everywhere. Drained by whiners, demands, and even fans, He needed time to Himself, with the Father. He wanted to give His best for others. If the Son of God, the Creator of galaxies needed to set limits, so do we.

I’ve learned to put myself in time-out and reset my attitude. Physical exhaustion depletes my mind and drains my spirit. Grumpy dumps out of the bucket instead of grace. So, for now, my grandbabies will visit one or two at a time.

My friend, where do you need to re-assess your limits? Perhaps, it’s at work or in your friendships.

Author Anne Lamott writes, “No is a complete sentence.” We can say it without apology or lengthy explanation.

So, if you’re stressed, have courage. Set boundaries, and say “No.” Say yes to rest and doing that thing you’ve set aside. They will survive and you will thrive.