It’s deadline day and I’m late to the keyboard. I procrastinate writing about my bad habit, a mindset formed before my memory. I confess: I’m a peace-keeper.
We’ve all experienced that two-ton elephant in the room. It sits there, fat and sassy, because no one will mess with it. We ignore it with trivial chatter or we get quiet. You know, that loud quiet. The problem is obvious, but, Ssshhh … we want peace.
Jesus offers peace that reconnects us with God and creates harmony among people but He also brings the most critical conflict we’ll ever experience. The battle between good and evil, right and wrong. In Matthew 10:34-37, Jesus teaches,
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’”
Jesus shakes up the status quo to reconcile people to the Father. He’s a peace-maker, not a peace-keeper.
A peace-keeper feeds the elephant. Problems grow as we sit, intimidated and voiceless. Peace-keepers are stuffers, fixers, and mask-wearers. They master eggshell-walking to avoid conflict and seek peace at all costs. When we keep others comfy in their bad behavior, none of us grow into our God-given design.
A peace-maker starves the elephant. With motives rooted in love, peace-makers voice their concerns and set healthy boundaries. This requires being real and risking rejection. While peace-makers don’t enjoy conflict, they know that digging below the surface can strengthen relationships.
As we try to right a wrong, not everyone will appreciate us addressing the elephant. Some will fear honesty and deny the problem. They may get angry and push us away. Their reactions aren’t our responsibility. That’s between them and God.
The elephant may be an alcohol or anger problem. Maybe it’s abuse, anxiety, gossip, or a grudge. Sometimes it’s the question “Where will mom and dad go when they can’t live alone?” These are difficult to talk about. They may cause arguments or embarrassment but if we steer the conflict toward peaceful resolution, it’s a catalyst for emotional, spiritual, and relational growth. Conflict is uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s usually necessary to knock that elephant off its keister.
Perhaps, like me, you didn’t learn to do conflict well. Although I’m better at peace-making than I used to be, some situations still trigger old fears and conditioned responses. In a nano-second, I’m voiceless again. Many of us have the opposite reaction. We don’t get quiet around the elephant, we get loud. Problems won’t get fixed by yelling, shaming, or blaming.
As we grow into our God-given identity, let’s continue to fight for the courage and confidence to either speak up or tone it down. And remember, my friend, we can’t ignore that elephant sitting in the middle of our hearts. Before we tackle the one in the room we need to confront our own, with honesty and humility.
Matthew tells us, “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” And in James, we find this promise: “Those who are peace-makers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”
Wisdom and courage for your journey.
Photo by: Kathy Mullen Williams
Nicely said
Oh my. I see I’ve neglected to reply to an almost 2 year old comment! Hope all is well with you, Gary. Hope you’re enjoying your new season of retirement. Love to you and Linda:)