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Don’t Settle for Half-Living

You’ve been deceived your whole life. Like Eve, lies took root and you fell from your original glory. So began humanity’s battle with its worst enemy: Ourselves.

We’re born with a propensity to live below our created identity~who God had in mind when He made us.

It’s usually the most subtle undercurrents of fear and pride that start the trouble. Be safe. Stay in control. Make them give you what you need. We rant and stay mad. Don’t forgive. Get even. We whine and stay sad. Eat another donut. Lie. Hate. Gossip. Take.

In James 1:15 we read, “Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.”

So, the devil doesn’t make us do it. It’s not our spouse, our parent, our sibling, or our circumstances. It’s our desires. When we choose sin and shift blame, we choose to be victims. The person God created, our true self, dies a little more. At best, we settle for half-living—always sensing there’s something missing.

My friend, we are created for whole-living. Right here in the midst of the blessings and the burdens, God offers us abundance. A rich and satisfying life. But, our desires get in the way

We want power, comfort, approval. We want to be affirmed, loved, and happy. Needs are birthed into “sinful actions” when we expect people, status, or possessions to fulfill them.

People are imperfect, statuses change, possessions rust. Have you ever tried to explain your deepest struggles and realize no one really understands? Only our Creator really knows us and our needs. He alone can put back together the broken pieces of our original glory.

Like my first pastor, Brother Mike, told me: “When we decide to follow Christ, our ‘Want-Tos’ change.” We want peace. We want purpose. We want freedom from sin’s guilt and shame. We want good relationships with God and others. Temptation is easier to resist when we desire these things.

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

You’re not alone. God is trustworthy. There is a way out. Pray. You will hear it. Read Scripture. You will see it. Nip temptation and don’t allow it to grow. The world needs the real you, the one God created.

Tackle the Elephant

by Robin Melvin 2 Comments

It’s deadline day and I’m late to the keyboard. I procrastinate writing about my bad habit, a mindset formed before my memory. I confess: I’m a peace-keeper.

We’ve all experienced that two-ton elephant in the room. It sits there, fat and sassy, because no one will mess with it. We ignore it with trivial chatter or we get quiet. You know, that loud quiet. The problem is obvious, but, Ssshhh … we want peace.

Jesus offers peace that reconnects us with God and creates harmony among people but He also brings the most critical conflict we’ll ever experience. The battle between good and evil, right and wrong. In Matthew 10:34-37, Jesus teaches,

Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’”

Jesus shakes up the status quo to reconcile people to the Father. He’s a peace-maker, not a peace-keeper.

A peace-keeper feeds the elephant. Problems grow as we sit, intimidated and voiceless. Peace-keepers are stuffers, fixers, and mask-wearers. They master eggshell-walking to avoid conflict and seek peace at all costs. When we keep others comfy in their bad behavior, none of us grow into our God-given design.

A peace-maker starves the elephant. With motives rooted in love, peace-makers voice their concerns and set healthy boundaries. This requires being real and risking rejection. While peace-makers don’t enjoy conflict, they know that digging below the surface can strengthen relationships.

As we try to right a wrong, not everyone will appreciate us addressing the elephant. Some will fear honesty and deny the problem. They may get angry and push us away. Their reactions aren’t our responsibility. That’s between them and God.

The elephant may be an alcohol or anger problem. Maybe it’s abuse, anxiety, gossip, or a grudge. Sometimes it’s the question “Where will mom and dad go when they can’t live alone?” These are difficult to talk about. They may cause arguments or embarrassment but if we steer the conflict toward peaceful resolution, it’s a catalyst for emotional, spiritual, and relational growth. Conflict is uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s usually necessary to knock that elephant off its keister.

Perhaps, like me, you didn’t learn to do conflict well. Although I’m better at peace-making than I used to be, some situations still trigger old fears and conditioned responses. In a nano-second, I’m voiceless again. Many of us have the opposite reaction. We don’t get quiet around the elephant, we get loud. Problems won’t get fixed by yelling, shaming, or blaming.

As we grow into our God-given identity, let’s continue to fight for the courage and confidence to either speak up or tone it down. And remember, my friend, we can’t ignore that elephant sitting in the middle of our hearts. Before we tackle the one in the room we need to confront our own, with honesty and humility.

Matthew tells us, “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” And in James, we find this promise: “Those who are peace-makers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”

Wisdom and courage for your journey.

Photo by: Kathy Mullen Williams

Be Strong and Courageous

by Robin Melvin 4 Comments

At a table in the breakfast room of an Arkansas motel, three-year-old Madison squeezed my hand and prayed, “Thank you God, for my Meema and my bagel.” I thought, Oh God, protect this precious, little girl. I struggled to surrender my granddaughter’s future to Him, as my son’s marriage crumbled.

In the middle of Madison’s chatter about orange juice and butterflies and when would we get to Texas to meet her baby cousin, a breakfast attendant approached us. Her nametag told me she was Patricia. Tall and slender with shoulder length, blonde-silver hair, she wore wire-rimmed glasses that framed her blue eyes. “How ya’ll doin?’” Then she thanked us for praying because “it’s a rare sight these days.” What she said next spoke straight to my struggle.

“I want you to know God’s hand is on this child. She is set apart for Him. Don’t you worry. She’s gonna be okay. I won’t forget your face and when the Spirit brings it to mind, I will pray for you.”

Tears trickled down my cheeks. “How did you know?” Patricia just smiled and hugged me. “Ya’ll have a safe trip now.”

On our way out of the breakfast room, I stuck my head into the kitchen. “Thank you, ladies.” Drying her hands on her apron, my Arkansas angel walked toward us. “Hey sugar, before you go, God gave me something for you, ‘God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of a sound mind.’”

I got goose bumps or as some say—glory bumps. I’d memorized and remembered Second Timothy 1:7 countless times through the years. Especially in those recent months that Madison and her parents lived with us. It gave me courage when fear told me to worry. It strengthened my mind and reminded me my emotions are not to manage my life. After big smiles and good-bye hugs, I took Madison’s little hand with renewed courage to trust God with her future.

Within a year and a half, my son and his wife divorced. But, God provided for Madison in a way I never imagined. At six-years-old, she got a new mom. In July, they celebrated the two-year anniversary of her adoption.

Life doesn’t wrap up nice and neat like we envision. We don’t know the outcome to our challenges but God does. He’s here and He’s already there. When our emotions scream and all we see is worse case scenario, we can trust His presence and promises.

When worry wants to steal our trust, may we hear the promise again, in that sweet southern drawl, “It’s gonna be okay, sugar.” No matter the outcome, we will be okay. God’s got us.

“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go,” Joshua 1:9. Peace and courage for your journey, my friends.

Because We Can Doesn’t Mean We Should

by Robin Melvin Leave a Comment

As much as I enjoy laidback pool parties and vacations, I look forward to getting back into a regular routine. Fall is a perfect time to reevaluate my calendar and to-do lists.

I plan to have my book’s first draft done in January. That means more time in my schedule for writing. Since Hannah will continue college, my workdays will shift a bit to accommodate Alexander. Remembering my limits, I’ll be careful not to become his full-time sitter.

That requires self-control and saying, “No.” There are times when our needs and plans have to come first. But, it’s not always easy. Why is that?

Perhaps “No” is tricky because it’s contrary to a habit. When raising our children, our time was spent feeding, bathing, and clothing. We mopped spills, refereed fights, and scrubbed grass stains. It was natural to put them first.

But, now they’re grown and need independence. “No” will teach them to be self-sufficient. If it’s important, they’ll figure it out. In their own time, in their own way. And if they don’t, perhaps they will learn to step up next time. They don’t need Mom and Pop rescuing them. It’s time to rewire that habit.

Sometimes we say yes when we want to say no because we fear, “That’s not fair.” If my adult children can’t trust my heart and my limits, it really is their problem. I don’t play favorites and I can’t always give equal time, attention, or resources. Even if I choose to recline on the deck and eat chocolate, my time is just as valuable as theirs. They can’t manipulate me with false guilt.

“No” may also be complicated by our history. Did you know those raised with an alcoholic in the home tend to have an inflated sense of responsibility? If it’s gonna get done and done right, the adult child of an alcoholic has to do it. A plan or project will fall apart if we don’t take charge. There’s a need to fix and manage, to have a sense of control and security.

Along with our history, come other harmful mindsets. Perhaps, we’re people-pleasers. We fear conflict because we want everyone happy or we want everyone to like us. Ain’t gonna happen, folks.

Usually we struggle to say no because we simply want to help. We may even have the gift of helping. In 1 Corinthians 12:28 and Romans 12:6-8 we find qualities like helping, serving, and kindness. To these virtues, we’re all called, but some of us are given an extra grace gift in these areas. But, it’s important to see when help isn’t really helping anymore. When someone depends on us too much, even lending a hand has its limits.

Yes, saying no is difficult. As we learn to do it, let’s ask God to reveal our purpose in this season. His main plan for us is to love and serve others, to draw them to Him. Our calling hasn’t changed but perhaps it’s time to express it in a new way.

So, whether it’s a request from clergy, kids, or co-workers—just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. We want to give our best for His glory. Courage for your journey, my friends.

Photo by Jeff Melvin

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